My Rareness Has A Name: Kosmemophobia!

It's been more than 3 years since the last time I wrote in this blog. I was too busy in work, life, love, healing from my quarter-life crisis (I should REALLY post what my quarter life crisis feels like, Oh Gosh), making decisions in the cross paths, planning some businesses, learning coffee, quitting my 'looked so fine' job and working super duper hard to build a new career.

But this wonderful discovery of myself force me to write again. I know how it feels to be odd and no one really understands, not even your closest one. So I want people like me to know that they are not alone. We are not alone. There are thousands of people out there that's just as rare as us: having a Kosmemophobia.

"What is that, again?"

Kosmemophobia: A Fear of Jewelry.

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

I am 100% not joking. I am a girl and I have a fear of jewelry, when almost all the girl in the world in this age are in love with it. I even got goosebumps when I type "jewelry" right now. It will even be harder to me to write necklace, rings and other types of jewelry. Earrings have the worst effect to me. Jewelry + human skin is the most disturbing to watch. Jewelry expo with models wearing so many jewelry on their body? That is the cruelest event ever!

Fiuh, thank God I survived that paragraph.

So, Kosmemophobia is..

Well, you could not find the definition and explanation easily. There are zero official scientific works published about Kosmemophobia. Even Wikipedia contributors didn't write anything about it yet. But from the phobia forums that I joined, Kosmemophobia is an irrational fear and/or disgust of jewelry. Touching, seeing, hearing or even thinking of the name of jewelry freaks the kosmemophobic out.

You guys hear it for the first time? Me, too. I have this in my whole life but I just found out its name.

So how it feels to be a girl with Kosmemophobia? What exactly a Kosmemophobic feels?

When you were a kid, you would feel the hate or uncomfortable with jewelry. As you grow older, it might became worse. At least that's what happened to me. A person who suffer from Kosmemophobia can feel nausea for certain kind of Jewelry, some others are disturbed when seeing them. A guy in Kosmemophobia forum told us he got goosebumps everytime he shake hands with people with rings, while the other feels just okay with rings, but not with bracelets. I feel just okay with coins and golden bar or silver statue, but another Kosmemophobic can't even smell any of them. So not every people with Kosmemophobia has the exact same reponse and experience.

I hate jewelry since I was a kid. I wore earrings until 12 years old. It has been a tradition in most areas in Indonesia (at least South Sumatera) for a girl to have ears piercing after they are born, to mark and differentiate them from baby boys. I was born in 1989 and I got mine done by the midwife in the age of a week. When I was in elementary school, I already felt something was not right. I hate to show my ears and to see my friends in their earrings. I always said no whenever my parents and relatives wanted to buy me some jewelry that girls in my age usually really love. I prefer foods, toys, CDs and clothes. In the third grade of elementary school, I started to comb my hair up to the front, covering my ears and most of the time made my hairs covered half of my face. I styled my hair the same way in order to hide my ears, simply because I hate seeing me in mirror wearing earrings.

Pretty much how I looked like when I was an early-Kosmemophobic :D

Then one day in the first month of Junior High, I decided to took my earrings out. Not a common things to do for a girl in my age. That was one of the best feeling in my whole life, like I was freed from jail, cured from cancer. My mother and classmates were shocked but I told them I was happier that way. I can finally tuck my hair behind my ears. At that time, I just define myself as someone who hate earrings and dislike my mother's necklace.

Until the age of 17.

I just moved from my hometown to Yogyakarta to enter university. I quickly made friends, mostly with my flat-mates. We hanged out as often as we can when we have no classes, but I spent most of my lunchtime with my classmates. Some of the girls were wearing necklace and bracelets, and almost all of them put rings on their fingers. I feel just fine being around them even though I still dislikes any kind of jewelry my girls wore (none of them notice my phobia, until today) but this experience horrified me: In my country, it's very common to hold arms with your girlfriends while walking, and I was shocked myself when I got goosebumps when I hold their arms and hugs and accidentally touched their rings and bracelets! I felt disturbed and disgust at the same time, I can't get rid of those jewelry pictures in my head even after I got home. From that day on, I tried to avoid touching people with jewelry (If I should, I pick certain part with no jewelry to touch), while at same time tried so hard to hide it from the people around me. That's not easy but I can make it anyway.

In 2008, (I finally gave up on being single) I had a boyfriend. In 2012 or 2013, his sweet mother once gave me a stone necklace as a present and he gave it to me as a surprise. To appreciate his mom, he asked me to wear it in an event we attend together. The fact that the necklace was made out of stone didn't change my reaction. It's even worse because that was the first jewelry that I wear after 10 years! I tried so hard to be calm with the necklace in my neck, I took deep breath in and out, but I couldn't bear it anymore. I cried! Sounds silly, but my face was totally covered by the flood of tears. My bf got panic. That was the day that I finally told my bf about my fear of jewelry and that day I realized I was not just hate jewelry, I fear and disgust of any of them.

Thankfully, my bf was very understanding. He even felt so guilty for giving me the things I fear and disgust of, even though it was none of his fault. We then agreed if one day we tie the knot, we won't be putting any jewelry in our wedding gift and the most important of all AGREED FOR NOT WEARING ANY WEDDING RING in and after the wedding day, and changed it into a watch or something. We have the same thought that a ring is not really necessary, the Marriage Certificate is. (That will probably be the only Indonesian wedding without rings. I couldn't ask for more!)

Now I'm still learning to live with it--which is not my only rareness--and getting better in reaction day by day, although the fear and disgust level is not changing at all. I have no problem in my social life due to this phobia, I always do the best I can to hide what I felt about jewelry in front of the people. I only tell about my phobia to my closest inner circle, well, now I share it to the world. The best thing about this phobia is: I can save bags of money and use it to invest, making businesses and many more rather than buying jewelry.

I was so happy when I randomly type "fear of jewelry" in Google two years ago and found out that this phobia has a name and I am not the only one who suffered from it. At least there are 500 people with Kosmemophobia in the forum named "Jewelry Phobia" that support each other by posts and comments. Thinking about other people out there has just the same detailed feeling as I am is so comforting.

And I want to tell you, if you find this post by typing "Fear of jewelry" or "Kosmemophobia" in the search engine to discover the weird behavior you experienced, you are not alone, and live with Kosmemophobia is not bad at all. We are one in a million, even Google can't find much. Ain't it special?